Hot Topic


I have a bone to pick with some of my well-intentioned man friends.  Please- no matter how much you mean it as a compliment- please, don’t call me a “milf”.  We’re friends- do you even remember what the letters stand foranymore?  If you do, then that’s just awkward.

The original milf

For any of you who might be out of the loop on popular culture, the term milf is an acronym that made its way into the vernacular as a result of the popularity of the film “American Pie”. (‘Twas Stifler’s mom who first bore the title.)  I’m not going to spell out each component of the word; but it has to do with motherhood and it has something in common with the acronym “snafu”.   I suggest Urban Dictionary at this point, if you’re still lost.

I’ve been called a milf more times than I care to think about, by some pretty close male friends. (Close, but not that close, if you know what I mean.)  I understand that it’s intended as a compliment, but- wow- really?  First of all, it implies that there is some line of demarcation in terms of a woman’s sexuality once she becomes a mother:  An implied sense of amazement that, “wow, she’s a mom and yet I’d still like to…um, be physically intimate with her!”  Um, moms are women, too.  Secondly, when did it become appropriate to walk up to a woman and proclaim your desire to have sex with her?  Whatever happened to “you seem interesting; would you like to have dinner”?  I mean, I’ve always been pretty progressive when it comes to matters of a sexual nature, but come on- this just seems lazy to me.  (And, before I get a comment of the “you’re not that hot” nature, believe me when I say that any mildly attractive woman hears this stuff a lot.)

Also, while we’re on the topic, I’d be fine if I never heard the word “hot” again except as it relates to Little Caesar’s pizza or that one store at the mall where I get my fishnets for roller derby- what’s it called?  Hot Topic.  Dudes, I’m not hot, I’m 40. I’m a single, working mother; I’m too tired to be hot.  And, really, you calling me hot, or a milf, is making me more tired.  I’m trying to gear down- trying to get ready to make the switch from stilettos to clogs, for God’s sake- and the pressure of these labels is not helping me get there.  Seriously, I’m ready for something more stimulating than “hot” from you.  Some of you are old, like me- stop talking like Paris Hilton!

Based on the contrast between this post and ALL of my Facebook profile pictures, plus my halloween costumes for the past 20 years, I reserve the right to admit that I am a total hypocrite.

Okay, maybe I’m being too harsh and just a bit disingenuous.  After all, there’s no one who talks more like a fourteen year-old girl than yours truly.   And, I’ve been complicit in my own objectification since I was knee high to Pamela Anderson.  Truthfully, if I stop hearing that I’m hot, cold turkey, I might slip into a bit of a funk.  I guess maybe we’re all sort of stuck in the rut of this youth and sex-obsessed culture.   I didn’t mean to single you out, guy friends (and strange guys on the street, and online, and in the grocery store), but I think you could help me make a change for the better.

I’m ready to be done with superficiality.  I’m ready to be done trying to keep up with the Kardashians, or who-the-hell-ever.  I want my kids to stop hearing and using the word “hot” and start using the words “interesting” and “smart”.    My friend’s five year-old recently mentioned to his mother that so-and-so is the “hottest” girl in school: um, he’s five and by school, he meanspreschool!  Oh, the humanity!

So, what I’m asking of my male friends, heck- of all my friends- is this: let’s turn off the Katy Perry downloads and pick up a book or something.  Let’s not talk about who we think is the hottest Teen Mom (or female political candidate), but rather, who has the best ideas on preventing teen pregnancy.  Let’s teach our daughters that they are never too pretty to do their homework and teach our sons that they don’t have to treat their girl friends (or girlfriends) like they’re delicate or fragile, or two-dimensional.  And, please, for the love of all that is good and decent: let’s stop using the word milf.


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